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Joke of the Day

"Monica Lewinski Will Not Vote for Hillary Clinton The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth."

"How is marriage and CPR training the same? You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again"

"oh i'd definitely choose flight over invisibility. i'd fly everywhere! to the living room, the bedroom. back to the living room. everywhere"

"What is Poseidon's favourite shortcut? ctrl + C"

"Wife: hey take me out tonight. Me: can it wait till tomorrow? Wife: why? Me: because tonight's not garbage night, tomorrow is"

"Oh trust me, I am very racist I ran plenty of marathons"

"If anyone sees Phillip... ...tell him I have his screwdriver."

"I got an allergic reaction to peanuts. Then I got sued by TheFineBros."

"What do a dildo and soybeans have in common? They're both used as a meat substitute."

"Why couldn't the watermelon get married in Vegas? Because his fiancee is a cantaloupe!"