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Joke of the Day

"I like my wine like I like my women. 10 years old and locked in a wooden crate in my basement."

"America thought about using fat as a currency... ...but there was too much inflation."

"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it's probably too cheesy."

"I'm going to check out the new restaurant called Karma. There's no menu, you just get what you deserve."

"Everybody on earth has that one person that they wish they could wake up next to. Mine is a grilled cheese sandwich."

"[A pair of crocs sitting on a riverbank] Why do you think people hate us so much? ""Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks."""

"On their 30th anniversary Patty turns to Mary, tears in his eyes, and says Mary, you've added so much texture to my life... it's been rough."

"According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me."

"These days HD is so good, when you watch an NFL game you can see the murder evidence."

"I always feel bad for seedless watermelons, because what if they wanted babies?"