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Joke of the Day

"Whats a rednecks favorite thing to do on Halloween? Pump Kin"

"I like my women like I like my whisky 18 years old and mixed up in coke"

"What do nosy peppers do? They get jalapeno business. :)"

"My brother's now ok with me calling him retarded. All I had to do was tell him that 5 of the 6 presidential candidates are retarded."

"Why Don't Jews Like Ions? They prefer their molecules free of charge."

"I used to race motorcycles. Man, those things are a lot faster than me."

"What do you call an alligator who's wearing a vest? An investigator."

"[3 AM] 5yo: *sobbing* Daddy Me: Ughhh..yes, sweetheart, what's wrong? 5yo: I'm lonely... Me: Then, don't ever get married. 5yo: Ok, Daddy."

"Hooker What did the guy say to the hooker after he was finished? Well I'm going to leave it with you!"

"The first guy to ever throw water at girl in a white shirt probably broke the record for the number of high-fives received in one minute."