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Joke of the Day

"My grandfather could never throw anything away... That's why he died in the war holding a hand grenade"

"Irony is lost on kleptomaniacs because they take everything literally."

"There was a terrorist attack on a French cheese shop. Reports say there was a lot of die Brie."

"Jared Fogle isn't happy with his prison sentence. He requested a transfer to juvenile prison."

"Damn girl, your ass is like an avacado It's that good kinda fat"

"What did Little Bo Peep say to Woody when she got caught screwing Buzz? You got a friend in me."

"""Sir, the good news is that your colon looks great. Maybe even the best I've ever seen. The bad news is that I'm just a hobo with a hobby."""

"I met a really cool girl name Helicase, but there's a problem... ... she's always trying to unzip my genes."

"Being an assassin would be so cool People would kill to have that job"

"What doesn't float to the top when it dies? A day old reddit post."