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Joke of the Day

"There was a terrorist attack on a French cheese shop. Reports say there was a lot of die Brie."

"How is Reddit like fencing? Ripostes everywhere."

"I didn't want to make a scene but not fluffing my wife's pillows should get the point across that I don't appreciate the way she spoke to me"

"I text this girl who was renting a room in my house ""I want to lick you out"" If she likes the text then I go with it, if not I blame predictive text and it was meant to say ""I want to kick you out""."

"Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg? Because he got cold feet."

"Can you believe they got back together after all that shit? MY BUTT CHEEKS!!!"

"What did the Mexican fire chief call his two sons? jose and josB (Hose A & Hose B)"

"What are the 2 sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken, brown cow."

"In an English class... Teacher: David, give me a sentence starting with ""I."" David: I is... Teacher: No, David. You must always say ""I am."" David: Oh right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

"What do you do when you see an enemy with half a face? Reload and shoot again!"