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Joke of the Day

"I don't get nervous if I'm surrounded by beautiful women. I know they're all too busy hating each other to notice me."

"Corned beef and potatoes running aimlessly about on the playground. -Hash Tag"

"[Weather Channel Secret Memo] To technical crews: If blizzard doesn't reach predicted intensity, shoot all exteriors through snow-globes."

"A musician always closed his eyes when he sang. When asked, he replied, ""I can't bear to see people suffering."""

"I wanted to tell you all about a color I made up..... but, as it turns out, it was just a pigment of my imagination."

"Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer The bartender says ""Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"""

"Just heard my neighbor say ""Wow"" from inside her house about the fart I just did inside mine."

"What are the two biggest differences between an alligator and a crocodile? The spelling and pronunciation."

"What did one casket say to the other? What did one casket say to the other casket?...Is that you coffin..."

"Have you seen the movie constipated? It hasn't come out yet."