185382

Joke of the Day

"Why does the Illuminati have to be the bad guy all the time? Why can't they just be the Illuminice?"

"Why didn't the stick of butter confess his feelings? Because somethings are butter left unsaid."

"(NSFW) Coors Light is like having sex in a canoe. Fucking close to water."

"Whats a cannibals favorite game? Swallow the leader."

"Dear Santa, Last year you gave me a sweater for Christmas. This year I would prefer a Moaner or a Screamer."

"The child that I carried in my uterus for 9 months & suffered through 13 hrs of labor for just asked if he could have my pickle. Hell. No."

"I'm glad the Chicago Cubs finally won the World Series. 108 years of hibernation just doesn't seem healthy."

"When someone says ""I need this done yesterday"" it's like I'm not going to be bossed around by someone who doesn't understand how time works"

"How does Moses prepare his coffee? Hebrews it."

"A real Picasso painting declared a forgery by a fake authenticator... ...is art officially artificial according to an artificial art official."