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Joke of the Day

"Whats the most popular breakfast food in Africa? Ebola cereal!"

"Interviewer: says here you have a military background Me [getting out my phone]: yeah but I changed to a picture of my dog eating spaghetti"

"I made a shirt out of pushpins... ...because I wanted to look sharp. But everyone said it was just tacky."

"If a shark is ever attacking me I'm gonna be like where are your parents do they know you act like this"

"What do you call a French General who charged into battle and died? Napoleon Blownaparte"

"My wife complained that I don't give her flowers anymore. I replied that she doesn't give me blow jobs anymore."

"Shutdown Apocalypse Update: Hearing now that the government closed the Grand Canyon. Not sure if they roll a tarp over it or how that works."

"[if Lois Lane was a witness] Criminal: *puts on glasses* Lois Lane: I'm sorry, I've never seen this man before."

"I was talking to a nice young women last night, she asked me if I like breast or legs. I told her what I really like is a nice shaved snatch. Apparently I'm not allowed in KFC anymore."

"Two men were remembering their wedding days. ""It was dreadful"" said Fred. ""I got the most terrible fright."" ""What happened?"" asked Harry. ""I married her"" replied Fred."