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Joke of the Day

"Friend from out of town asked if he could crash on my couch. Had to explain to him that I'm married now, so that's where I sleep."

"Named my band Scheduled for Demolition so whenever it appears on a marquee, confused people write angry letters to the city council."

"Why did the blind jew got killed? because he could nazi"

"If you factor in ""supply and demand""... she DOES NOT want the D. There is so much D trying to go around, not even the alphabet wants the D."

"I slipped and fell outside today... and when I got up, my wallet and keys were missing. Must've been black ice."

"My sex life is like the internet. Full of lies"

"Hey person who wrote ""WASH ME"" on my car, I know it wasn't my car that wrote that. My car doesn't speak English. I'm onto you."

"Goodnight computer *instantly grabs phone*"

"What do you call someone who pushes people down stairs? A stairorist."

"A trans guy walks into the bar He passed."