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Joke of the Day

"Operator: 911 what's your emergency? Me: PEOPLE ARE TAGGING ME IN PICTURES ON FACEBOOK AND I'M NOT EVEN IN THEM!"

"Blood is thicker than water, but maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. There, I said it."

"Me to 6 year old trick or treater dressed as a witch: ""I wish you'd cackle less"" Her: Give me a snickers you old piece of shit"

"I could be way funnier with like, 143 characters to work with."

"I just sent out my daily 6am text to a random number saying ""I hit Zack with my truck. I'm going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up."""

"I tell this joke all the time on Reddit... ...it never gets gold."

"They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody."

"Where did Hitler keep his armies? In Poland, France, and Czechoslovakia."

"Who did the crocodiles call when they found one of their own dead? The investiGATOR"

"What lives in the sea and yells? A clam shouter."