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Joke of the Day

"Some of us are quiet because we're worried our thoughts might come out."

"It's been a great year, it fact, it was so great... I remember like it was yesterday."

"It's impossible to rekindle an old flame... ... the restraining order and lifelong lighter ban saw to that."

"GOD: look what I created [points to clouds] ANGEL: what am I lookin at? GOD: Is it a bunny? A man face? It's up to you! ANGEL: are you high?"

"They should invent an alarm clock that if you hit the snooze button more than 3 times it automatically calls in sick for you."

"Sorry I brought my own turntables and tried to battle your wedding DJ"

"Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered six offender who just moved in next door."

"What's the difference between Hillary's e-mails and the UK leaving the EU? Hillary got off Scott-free."

"What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something."

"Did you hear about all the Pokemon that died in the fire? All that was left was Ash"