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Joke of the Day

"What are the longest hairs in the body? Nose hairs, because pulling them out is a pain in the ass."

"An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I loaned it to a friend but he suddenly moved away"

"When I die I already know my last words will be. ""but I'm still hungry"""

"My dad worked on the roadwork's for twenty years before he got fired for stealing! At first I didn't believe it... but when I got home all the signs were there"

"ME: I want to take long walks with you. HER: Aww...are you a romantic? ME: No, I don't have a car."

"*Builds panic room out of Swiss cheese* *Fails to see holes in plan*"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bar-B-Q! Bar-B-Q who ? Bar-B-Q-t but I think you're even cuter !"

"Little kid next to me on a plane just ate the preservative packet out of his jerky, looked at me and said, ""Don't tell my mom."""

"What lies on the ground 100 feet up in the air and smells? A dead centipede."

"I dated a guy so arrogant he walked into a post while looking at his reflection in a store window. I left him. Unconscious on the street."