184002

Joke of the Day

"New dog So I brought this new dog home that I got from a blacksmith yesterday. As soon as we got home it made a bolt for the door."

"What did the deer say to its lover? You are very ""deer"" to me."

"What's green, fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table"

"Hate when I eat the last bite and didn't notice it was the last bite so I couldn't mentally prepare myself and get any closure."

"No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunk. I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?"

"""You know an ancestor of mine came over on the Mayflower."" ""Really? Which rat was he?"""

"""Wanna see videos from my vacation?"" *shows home video of me eating a raccoon under a bridge ""This is the wrong video"" ""No this is right"""

"Me: You're kidnapping me? Where're we going? Can we feed my cats first? Is there a ransom? Cool van. My name- Him: Changed my mind. Get out."

"If I want to nap for just an hour, I have a big glass of water beforehand. Alarms can be turned off, but a full bladder waits for no one."

"What is faster? Hot or Cold? Hot. Because you can catch a cold."