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Joke of the Day

"Hey people - learn to spell!!! I mean my co-workers. Twitter, you guys actually do pretty well, considering half of you are probably drunk."

"A Fat Frog walks into a bar Walks up to the barman and the barman says, ""hey, we've got a drink named after you"". Fat Frog says ""What?, You've got a drink called Steve?"""

"My girlfriend played the cello and I loved it. But recently she gave up the cello and took up the violin, so I had to break up with her. Because I'm all about that bass, no treble."

"My brain hurts. That means it's getting stronger. Right?"

"Tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999. Get a ride home from my Mom after I make out with some 14-year-olds."

"What do you do with dead chemists? Barium"

"Bar joke Obama walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. Bartender says ""wow that's cool. Where did you get that?"" The parrot says Africa. ."

"A gay man asked me which way I went and I said, ""Counter-cockwise."""

"""Hi doc!"" ""Hi! What is that behind your ear?"" ""Nice try, too old for the coin trick"" ""No it's a tumor"" ""Oh my god"" ""Kidding it's a quarter"""

"A man asked his wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day: Wife: ""A divorce."" Husband: ""I really wasn't planning on spending that much."""