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Joke of the Day

"I'm not saying I'm batman but answer me this have you ever seen me and batman in the same room?"

"The toilet on the train was out of order, so I had to sit there and hold it for half an hour. A woman who was sat opposite, looked at me in disgust and asked ""Is that a fucking poo in your hand?"""

"RIP evaporating water. You will be mist."

"A woman walks into a brothel, slaps down a few hundred dollars, and exclaims, ""I want twelve inches, and I want them to hurt!"" So the doorman smacks her face with a ruler."

"What does a vampire take for a cold? Coffin syrup!"

"A man flashed three old women in the park. The first two women each had a stroke! The third woman tried, but she couldn't reach because her arms were too short."

"What's a vampire bat's favorite fruit? A Nectarine! What's a vampire bat's favorite dog breed? The blood hound!"

"Wife: Are you gonna wear that to the cookout? Oh... *reaches under mesh shirt* *takes off nipple ring* Better?"

"Me: Damn girl your new selfie is awesome but isn't it a bit late to zombiefy yourself? Her: What's zombiefy? Me: ...Your hair looks great!"

"A mexican and a black guy are in a car, who is driving? A cop"