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Joke of the Day

"How many millennials does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, it's already lit fam."

"I don't have a problem with alcohol. Only without it."

"[In the back of the car, imitating GPS voice] IN A HALF MILE, TAKE A SLIGHT RIGHT. ALSO PUT ERICS MIXTAPE BACK ON THAT WAS SO GOOD"

"Daughter: Dad, you need a smart phone. Me: Will it make my dinner? D: No but- M: Good talk."

"What did the eggs say when the cops showed up? Everybody scramble!"

"I wonder where my brother is, his lunch is getting all cold ... ... ... and eaten.."

"Russian Porn Doesn't it get you soviet?"

"I called my boss this morning and told him i was sick. ""Just how sick are you?"" he said. ""well im in bed with my little sister, is that sick enough"""

"Yes, you take my breath away... But so does a brisk walk, or the sight of an ugly baby. Don't be so flattered."

"I really love sarcasm. It's like punching people in the face but with words."