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Joke of the Day

"People who cheer at concerts when a musician says the name of their city are the most easily impressed people on earth."

"A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a Shitzu."

"Got 3 boxes of tampons, Midol & Ibuprofen at the store. Checker was so scared he paid for my shit & carried it out for me."

"I don't mean to brag but I just beat my 5-year-old ten times in a row at air hockey. He sucks."

"hot dogs were invented in 1936 by Larry Hotdogs when he accidentally dropped a bag of prize-winning pig assholes in his Dick Shaper Machine"

"Who the friggin hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere. You just let one into your home and it becomes your cat."

"What is the stretchiest substance known to man? Human flesh, because in the bible it says that Jesus tied his ass to a tree and walked 100 yards."

"How spicy would you like your clairvoyants? Medium."

"*Texts* Can I come over bae? I need you. <3 *Gets reply text* DUDE, STOP CALLING ME THAT. I'M YOUR DEALER NOT YOUR BAE. BRING CA$H!"

"What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller."