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Joke of the Day

"Game: ""Would you like to try the tutorial first?"" Me: ""No."" *minutes later* ""How the f*ck do you play this?"""

"I like how Angelina waited to divorce Brad Pitt until Jen got married. Well played Maleficent...well played..."

"Chuck Norris doesn't flush, he scares the crap out of it."

"I was driving home today and got stuck behind a car with a bumper sticker that said ""Be an organ donor!""... They were doing 20 in a 30. I guess they aren't feeling that committed to the cause."

"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you are donating blood."

"What has 3 tails 4 trunks and 6 feet ? An elephant with spare parts !el"

"I used too much anti-aging cream and now I am a tiny baby."

"Dear karma: perhaps we could be partners? You're doing great work, but I've identified a bunch of people you've overlooked."

"What's the difference between a girl's track team and a bunch of pigs? One's a group of cunning runts... Source: Imgur user YossarianMinderbinder"

"What do a homeless woman and an American football player have in common? They both take their pads off after four periods"