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Joke of the Day

"Why did the anvil hit the blacksmith instead? Because it was irony."

"I follow ripped guys around the grocery store and just buy what they buy"

"How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your d*ck."

"Are all females on twitter moms? Is my mom here? Mom? You there doin drunk tweets?"

"I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators. I'm taking steps to avoid them."

"Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them. "

"My son cuddled up to my bump and was talking about how he could see the baby and it would have been cute if I were pregnant."

"if you imagine all of Adele's songs are about a cheeseburger, it changes things drastically."

"What do you get when eating toast in bed? Un-crumb-fortable"

"Why did Cain kill his brother? Because he was Abel to."