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Joke of the Day

"Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning."

"[to snake at news station] you can't do weather anymore ""ssswhy not?"" are we getting rain tomorrow? ""sssno"" do you see how that's confusing?"

"I just saw a disclaimer that said ""don't try this at home"", so I tried it at my neighbors house."

"Did you hear about the guy who crushes Pepsi cans with a hydraulic press? It's sodapressing."

"Did you hear about the pigs who took up motorcycling? They wanted to catch bugs with their teeth."

"What's the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist? A Catholic will say hello when he sees you in the liquor store."

"What's the difference between a feminist and a trash bin? The trash gets taken out once a week."

"[interview at winery] What strengths do you bring to the job? *long pause while Jesus glares at interviewer* Are you being serious right now"

"What kind of tea did the american colonists want? Liberty"

"What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied? Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!"