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Joke of the Day

"I've pre-planned my funeral to include a 32 minute montage of the times I've accidentally waved hello to someone waving to someone behind me."

"What do old lady vaginas smell like? Depends."

"When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive."

"Similes are like as holes."

"Q: Did you hear about the professor that got in a horrible wreck? A: He was grading papers on a curve."

"My Accounting Teacher Told Us This One Today If your debits and credits don't equal, then your assets in jail."

"What is Chalah before it's baked? Judo"

"['90s] Did you hear McDonalds just bought the naming rights to that new hockey stadium? They're calling it the Mac-Arena."

"Why won't pigs take up jogging? They don't like to get that far from the table."

"Give a man a fish & he'll probably stick his dick in it. Teach a man to fish & he'll just keep fucking the fish you gave him. Men are weird."