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Joke of the Day

"What did Ahab say when Moby Dick raised his tail? Whale shit!"

"If you have streaks of purple, green or blue in your hair, I will try to eat that cotton candy off your head until you tell me to stop."

"Lady next to me in the hospital waiting room told me she has diarrhea. I must have one of those ""tell me if you have diarrhea"" faces."

"Humans are like grapes... Grapes are green or purple, and a human has colors too. A grape is picked, and eaten by a human. Then we die of old age. I'm not good with metaphors."

"Isis have just started making explosive prayer mats In their first quarterly report they said that prophets were going through the roof."

"Chuck Norris can land a plane in Auto Pilot."

"Apparently ""I'll break your god damn legs"" isn't the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway."

"Life is like a dick. If it's soft, you can't beat it, but when it's hard, somebody's gonna get fucked."

"The ethernet is used to catch the etherbunny."

"Whenever I read the phrase ""We've changed our privacy policy,"" I just shrug and assume they already have pictures of me on the toilet."