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Joke of the Day

"I got a notice that a sex offender just moved in nearby and I'm worried for my children... So I got them all pedometers."

"How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner."

"Undecided voters are the same undecided people we hate for holding up the buffet line."

"Can't find my belt so I'll just need to get fatter."

"The thing you don't know about soy milk is... It's really just introducing itself in Spanish. ""Soy milk"""

"If there are two things Trump voters hate... The first is being called, ""racist."" And the second is black people."

"Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Pete falls out. Who is left? Repeat. Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Pete falls out. Who is left?"

"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef What do you call a cow with two legs? Yo momma"

"I knew I was old when I opened internet explorer."

"I was going to have an 'end of the world' party... ...but I couldn't get the day off work."