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Joke of the Day

"How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner."

"There are three things I can never remember.... There....um....uh....dang it! I forgot!"

"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on the windscreen. It said, ""Parking fine"", so that was nice."

"Spider-Man reboots should start with the previous actor biting the new one as the origin story."

"The recipe said ""prick with a fork,"" but enough about me."

"[to a straight couple] Which one is the lesbian and which one is the other lesbian"

"Just locked eyes with a four year old boy while I violently choked on a piece of popcorn. He didn't look away. He would have watched me die."

"Women dressed head to toe in animal print just bumped into me, thought I was being attacked my an obese leopard."

"THIS JUST IN: Hooters seeks extra support due to unprecedented sagging. So yeah, Hooters is for sale."

"Why was the Instagram star so bad at making coffee? Because she used #nofilter"