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Joke of the Day

"Is LSD illegal or just frowned upon? Asking for a giant purple rabbit."

"[at dinner] Wife: This is terrible. Me: Horrible. Waiter: Hey folks, how's your food? (simultaneously) Wife: Amazing! Me: Fantastic!"

"I reply to ""Happy New Year"" with ""not if I have anything to do with it."""

"Why are there no black people at the North Pole? Because there is nothing to steal there"

"Folks call me a stillborn egg Cause' I'm never getting laid!"

"Posted a picture of my privates on Facebook... I guess you could call it Ballsy"

"I'm getting old, The only way I can screw a woman... Is to borrow money from her and not pay her back. (Credit given to my friend. i'm not that clever.)"

"Doctor says: ""No sex for 6 weeks after birth."" Me: Why? Did her vagina see its shadow? Doctor: Me: Doctor: Please tell me you're not the father."

"What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? An aardvark with the sniffles!"

"Did you hear about the dyslexic racist? He hated gingers."