181950

Joke of the Day

"While in prison, I asked the Calvinist, ""Why did you kill your family?"" He answered, ""I had to know."""

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"Why is the Democratic electoral landscape like a Moebius strip? Cause no matter what you do, there always seems to be a Clinton claiming to be ""on your side"" . . ."
"""I'm on the Reich track baby, I was born this race."" -Nazi Gaga"
"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't really matter, he's not coming when you call him."
"Sometimes ""I'm single"" means ""I'm drama free"", ""less stressed"" and ""I refuse to settle for less."""
"The farther away the future is, the better it looks."
"If you tell me to make myself at home, don't be surprised when I take my pants off and drink all your vodka."
"No one on Twitter ever quotes me properly. I'm so mis-tweeted."
"What Did the Sadist Do to the Masochist? Nothing."
"There is a order to the universe: space, time, and Chuck Norris...just kidding Chuck Norris is the first"
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