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Joke of the Day

"If you tell me to make myself at home, don't be surprised when I take my pants off and drink all your vodka."

"What is the difference between a whore and a bitch? A whore will have sex with anybody, a bitch will have sex with anybody except you."

"Drive-thru worker just recoiled in horror when I rolled down my window & she got walloped by a bucket of moist farts."

"Boss: Let's talk about the elephant in the room. Me: Not cool, dude. Jan's just pregnant. Him:.. Me: Jan if you report this I got your back."

"Late Night Murder What did the killer say after murdering the talk show host? ""Badam Tish"""

"A policeman pulled me over today after my wife fell out of the car... He said ""Sir, did you know your wife fell out of your car?"" I said "" Oh thank god! I thought I had gone deaf."""

"What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both leave little boys rooms with empty sacks."

"Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning ? About an hour and a half after I arrived at school"

"I asked my kids today if they felt we spent enough time together and they both texted back that we did so I guess we are all good."

"How do I feel about your goatee? I shave every part of my legs except the knees, how do you feel about that?"