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Joke of the Day

"I've just written a song about tortillas - actually, it's more of a rap."

"Felt a sharp pain in my chest & thought ""oh shit, I'm having a heart attack,"" but it just turned out to be my wife stabbing me."

"A way you can tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist ask them to pronounce the word 'unionized'"

"What's fat, sweaty, and bad at cooking? My ex wife!"

"Men ask us if we're naked when we tell them we're taking a bath. THAT'S why they pay more for their car insurance."

"I met a really cool girl name Helicase, but there's a problem... ... she's always trying to unzip my genes."

"If we do end up colonizing Mars.. ..the WiFi there would be out of this world"

"My psychiatrist says we need to work on my intimacy issues but then he's always the one who refuses to snuggle with me on his couch."

"Where do epileptics love to eat? Little Seizures"

"Do you know about the Chinese author who wrote a million page book? It was Wei Tu Long."