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Joke of the Day

"Marriage tips 1. Separate bank accounts 2. Separate bedrooms 3. Separate homes 4. Separate dates w/other ppl 5. 6. Don't get married"

"My niece was the victim of demonic possession FOR THE SECOND TIME. She was repossessed."

"Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail"

"[walking down street with date after dinner] him: i had a great time me: yep... [gestures towards garbage truck] welp, this is me [jumps in]"

"A guy doesn't go into a bar... Unaware, the bartender continues serving drinks to other people."

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit Will you get out of my hair!"

"What's North America's most famous red wine? Give back our land!"

"dark humor never gets old just like a kid with cancer"

"The wise sage asked him, ""If you take money out of the equation, what activity in life would thrill you the most. What's your passion?"" ""Fantasy football"""

"What did u do last night? Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows? Me [covering tub of dead birds]: is that the saying?"