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Joke of the Day

"I got probed by an alien last night Its true what they say, Mexicans do work good with their hands"

"[interview at a clothing store] be cool, don't let them know you're a dog ""so what color is this dress?"" oh you gotta be kidding me"

"Did you hear about the guy that was hospitalized with several plastic horses in his ass? His condition is stable"

"In general my philosophy is do whatever you want if it doesn't hurt people and it's not two spaces after a period."

"Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio?!?! and the steering wheel, the dashboard, the windshield...."

"I always carry a jar gripper with me in case I'm ever stranded on a deserted island with a jar of salsa. I also always carry a jar of salsa."

"I like my woman like I like my shoelaces. Curvy, loose, and easy to finger."

"Drugs made me responsible. If it weren't for drugs I might have never started working at 15."

"What's 9 inches long,pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth Her miscarriage"

"To the Chicago Cubs Thanks, you've doomed us all."