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Joke of the Day

"I take my wife out everywhere... except that she keeps coming back!"

"Did you hear about that celebrity who committed suicide? Reese whatsername? ""Witherspoon?"" ""No, with a knife!"" Only really works if you actually tell it to someone (and can maintain a good pokerface)"

"Posted a picture of my privates on Facebook... I guess you could call it Ballsy"

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

"I just molested myself. I said no, but I knew I wanted it."

"Why did everyone turn away when the race car drove past? It had a SPOILER on it."

"I'm in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend is in the future."

"Yo Mama So Fat Yo mama so fat that her Schwarzschild radius equals 1 cm."

"*family meeting at Noah's house* who wants us to do what by when?"

"Why is it so hard to give up fizzy drinks? That shits like liquid Coke!"