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Joke of the Day

"If you're purchasing a Dollar Store pregnancy test, I think we both know you can't afford a positive."

"Why did the Louvre tour guide work for pennies? Because this docent makes any cents."

"I had such a great masturbation session last night... that when I woke up in the morning my dick was in the kitchen cooking breakfast."

"Listen. You can keep retaking all the pictures you want, but that's what your face looks like."

"How many blacks does it take to start a riot! -1"

"Two guys walk into a bar The first guy asks for a glass of H2O. The second guy asks for a glass of H2O too. The second guy died."

"Did you hear about the country band Brooks and Dunn splitting up? Yea, more than a couple years ago. You know what they said to each other when they split? ""Hey Brooks, I'm Dunn."""

"I just saw some pictures of Ray Rice's wife for the first time... she's a real knock out."

"My girlfriend doesn't believe in sex before marriage. So I showed .... My girlfriend doesn't believe in sex before marriage. So I showed her some of my old home movies to prove it was real."

"TIL Billy Mays served in the US military It wasn't for long though it was only 1999."