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Joke of the Day

"MURDERER: [looking for me] You better of hidden well or you're dead ME: [under bed, tears in my eyes] It's better HAVE"

"I told an overweight joke the other day A woman came up to me afterwards and said ""You're fattist"" I looked her and said ""actually...."

"To catch a grandpa, you must THINK like a grandpa *eats butterscotch candy, clicks on obvious spam email*"

"Joey: WHOA Blossom: So you like that? Joey: WHOA Blossom: Are you saying stop? Joey: WHOA Blossom: OK This is the worst safeword ever"

"Technically all panties are edible if you're ambitious enough."

"What do you call a mill thats just ok? A satisfactory."

"Her: My baby is 28 months old. Me: Oh really? I'm 74 inches tall. Not so fun when YOU have to do the math, is it?"

"The man on TV said if you drink alcohol every day, you're probably an alcoholic. Phew! I only drink every night."

"Donald Trump is like the number pi... There is no end to his irrationality."

"Her: I heard your sister went to the US. Me: Yeah she did. Her: Which state? Me: Alaska. Her: Cool, when she tells you, tell me."