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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry I ran over your dog but in my defense I was texting! You're being awfully judgemental for someone who can't even see."

"How to properly use a paper clip: 1. Throw in garbage 2. Use a stapler"

"Why are all jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women will not touch anything unless it is 10% off."

"I've put a hole in a bar of soap and I use it to masturbate. Normally I wouldn't share this kind of information, but I just have to cum clean."

"Doctor Am I pregnant? A lady goes to a doctor to find out if she is pregnant Doc: Hmm, Looks like your Preganant... Girl: Am I? Doc: No it just looks like you are"

"So two pencils got in an argument... It ended in a gra-fight."

"I'm at an age where ""getting lucky"" only means I have the house to myself..."

"What do you call a sassy criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending."

"What's a pirates favorite letter? You thought it would be 'R' but all pirates love the 'C'."

"I like to make lists. I also like to leave them laying on the kitchen counter and then guess what's on the list while at the store. Fun game"