181497

Joke of the Day

"I love it when corporations have a sassy ""human"" Twitter presence, like their CEO wouldn't cut your mom's throat for a nickel."

"I was recently asked to be a part of a biological experiment. The researchers said they would mutate me with an extra chromosome and give me $10 000 for it. I'm down."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather Not screaming in terror like his passengers"

"Why did the bike fall down? It was two tired"

"Oedipus apartment complex Attractive like your mom"

"Before I workout, I like to warm up with 10 sets of selfie's."

"What's it called when Hobbits build houses for other Hobbits? Hobbitat for Humanity"

"Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can't hit me with them."

"Why does the French Military install rearview mirrors on their tanks? So that they can see the battle."

"I told my friend she should work at a tire shop... She does the best rim-jobs I've ever had."