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Joke of the Day

"""Haha, you thought I was a quarter."" -nickels"

"Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but it's not necessary to show it off."

"What did the boy with no hands get for christmas? Gloves! Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet."

"Parent: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture."

"Isn't it ironic how so many females are attracted to assholes, but rarely say ""yes"" to anal?"

"Stupid seal at the zoo would not sing ""kiss by a rose."" REFUND!"

"At Twitter HQ J: Users haven't complained in a while, what's going on? Devs: Oh, we've got just the thing *releases update"

"Two snowmen were talking on a cold day... One of them said to the other: ""funny, I smell carrots too!"""

"Females on Facebook suffer in silence louder than anyone I've ever met in my life."

"What's the best part about marrying a farmer? You get to grow old together."