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Joke of the Day

"Isn't it ironic how so many females are attracted to assholes, but rarely say ""yes"" to anal?"

"These tweets are a lot better if you imagine them being read by Morgan Freeman."

"All else being equal... A fat person uses more soap than a thin person."

"My father used to say ""Life is like a box of chocolates..."" **BECAUSE WOMEN WILL DESTROY YOU.**"

"If I was a magician I'd ask someone in the audience for a $20 bill and then just run away. You could prob make like $40 doing that."

"What do you call a constipated vegan? A grasshole."

"After being diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder, I phoned my boss to tell him I'd need time off. ""You're self-employed you stupid bastard,"" I said."

"Shit. Gotta huge job interview tomorrow and I have no clue where I put my prom dress"

"My dad worked on a car assembly line for 40 years. He retired years ago but still struggles with post pneumatic press disorder."

"My eleven year old brother: ""I have Asperger's Syndrome..."" ""...want a burger?"""