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Joke of the Day

"[mysterious old lady flips tarot card revealing a dude who looks exactly like me flying a hot air balloon into power lines] Me: is that good"

"A snowman and a snow-woman had a child... ...it had its mother's ice."

"Why did the kitchen cross the road? It saw a pikachu across the street."

"What's the key to a Pirate Opera? The High Cs"

"How can you tell someone's an atheist? You can't. They'll always tell you first."

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bucket of shit? The Bucket"

"My dishwasher broke down and stopped working So I remarried"

"Why did Karl Marx like going to continental Europe so much? Because they did not have proper tea."

"3 days ago I put a sign on my door that said ""I'll be back in 20 minutes"". Nobody has bothered me since and I'm never taking it down."

"That spray tan made me smell like burnt hair & cat pee with a coconut twist. If I could bottle this stench, I'd call it Jersey Whore Breeze."