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Joke of the Day

"3 days ago I put a sign on my door that said ""I'll be back in 20 minutes"". Nobody has bothered me since and I'm never taking it down."

"Maybe she's born with it... maybe it was a sex change."

"I asked a scientist how close humanity is to speed-of-light travel ""We're relatively far off."""

"My mom is the healthiest person I know... She's been a vegetable her whole life."

"If you don't like your son, grab a football and tell him to go long. Never throw it. He's gone now."

"If I had a dollar for every time I overexaggerated I'd have, like, a billion dollars"

"When I found out the murderer dismembered the victim, It really tore me into pieces."

"What should we name this ancient Japanese throwing knife? A: Let's just name it the first thing that comes to mind, think you can handle that? B: Sure I can."

"When someone asks you if you've met their kids... ... it turns out that the proper reply is NOT ""Yes, heheh."""

"Have you heard my joke about construction? I'm still working on it"