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Joke of the Day

"It's terrible waking up with regret. Perhaps if she changed her name I'd feel better."

"I've stopped texting ""K"" and started texting ""L"" instead so I don't have to reach so far over with my thumb."

"My proctologist gave me two thumbs up. Which I did not appreciate."

"How much Norris? (Tongue twister) How much Norris could Chuck Norris chuck, if Chuck Norris could chuck Norris?"

"Either way she's getting a D I can't remember if she asked me for my class notes or for a dick picture, either way she's getting a D."

"My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away."

"What did Bill say to Hillary after sex? ""I'll be home in 20 minutes."""

"Three people having sex is called a threesome, and four people having sex is called a foursome. I guess that's why everyone calls me handsome!"

"[1st date] ""My birthday is on April 20th, so 4/20. Isn't that cool? When's yours?"" Oh, umm *sweating* Sextember 69th"

"Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting."