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Joke of the Day

"Trying to figure out if you practice the violin for many hours every day, or if you just have a really bad hickey."

"If you fail to take over a government... You've really screwed the [putsch.](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/putsch?s=ts)"

"You know you've got a real fatty in bed when her boobs taste like deodorant"

"No ageism? A baby seated in a tall wooden throne at this cafe just shattered a vase of flowers unprompted & was then told how handsome he is"

"My whole life has felt like one big hammock and everybody is watching me try to get out of it."

"If Trump had a brick for every lie Hillary has said He'd be able to build the wall for free."

"The best time to reevaluate your life is when the online video you're watching is buffering"

"Why did the mathematician bring home 24 eggs from the grocery store? Because when he asked his wife how many eggs to buy, she said 4!"

"My apartment looks like a Sims house before you figure out the cheat code for unlimited money."

"In case you were wondering, Taco Bell offers free wi-fi. Don't bother asking for the password, because it's totally ""Cornhole Explosion""."