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Joke of the Day

"Trying to figure out if you practice the violin for many hours every day, or if you just have a really bad hickey."

"Did you know there is a town in Pennsylvania with the same same as one of the Great Lakes? It's eerie."

"""Makin all the ladies drop they panties"" I brag, pulling the fire alarm at Victoria's Secret."

"Mother: What do you mean the school must be haunted ? Daughter: Well the principal kept going on about the school spirit."

"Always trust people who like big butts. They cannot lie."

"My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, ""damn doc I'm already up to 3 times a day"""

"There are two types of people in the world: Those who like pastries... And those who donut."

"I wonder if a murderer has ever crossed my path, contemplated murdering me, and then thought ""nah""."

"It's cool to jump out of bed and realize you are already dressed to run to Walmart"

"What did Hitler call his recliner? Mein Kampf-y Chair."