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Joke of the Day

"This morning someone phoned me and told me that I need to sort my fucking life out. It was quite a wake up call."

"Me: You can just keep that pen. Coworker: Sure? Me: Yeah. I noticed you don't wash your hands in the restroom. Cw.. Me: I told everyone."

"""I have a dream that my children will live in a nation... not judged by the color of their skin, but by their follower count on Twitter."""

"A man walks into a bar... ouch."

"The Past, the Present, and the Future All Walk Into A Bar . . . . . . it was tense."

"Why do ISIS fighters avoid Montreal restaurants? because they serve Poutine."

"What's the difference between a tumblrite and a coprolite? Their age."

"What are the effects of biggest brainwashing book in human history? i dont know...try asking the suicide bombers"

"I went to the Zoo today. I was a bit disappointed, however, as when I arrived I found there was only one dog at the Zoo. It was a Shih Tzu."

"Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? Because he was outstanding in his field"