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Joke of the Day

"Cross-eyed people, just look down. We'll come get you if we need you."

"Why did the drill sergeant get a dishonorable discharge? He couldn't keep his hands off his privates"

"I used olive oil for sex last night. Popeye was furious when he found out."

"If you smoke a lot of cigarettes & gaze out of a window while your foot is propped up on something you can figure out pretty much anything."

"Shops. One time I was masturbating to a playboy magazine, girls were hot, the whole 9 years. But when I saw the front page I realized it was an american girl doll magazine."

"What is Bruce Wayne's favorite religious health food? Christian Kale"

"What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup? You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)"

"Patients get nervous when I walk into surgery wearing my lucky cape but I didn't go to medical school so I need all the luck I can get."

"Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty bastards."

"Women are like sand. The deeper you go, the wetter they get."