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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup? You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)"

"How does a painter support their art in this economy? Easel-y"

"Why are there ants on my toilet seat? Because of my sweet ass."

"Lynyrd Skynyrd wrote a song about how great Alabama is, and the only thing they could come up with is that the sky is really blue."

"Why is everyone always late to Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Anonymous meetings? Because they're all tied up, but coming soon."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Hiroshima Barbie ...just a shadow of her former self"

"The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience."

"[Picking up girls] Me: you like bad boys, huh? Girls: yea Me to my wing man: tell them Wing man: he's just literally the worst"

"I used to pray for a new bike... then i found out that's not how god works so I stole one and prayed to be forgiven"

"I like my women exactly how I like my pet. I like both to be horse!"