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Joke of the Day

"did you hear about the constipated mathematician? he worked it out with a pencil.... a number two pencil"

"I'm going to run errands, need anything? ""Yes, some new light bulbs"" Why, our current bulbs are too heavy? ""And a good divorce lawyer"""

"What is the reason for short people temper? They are closer to hell."

"Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time."

"When a woman tels you it's five minutes, then it's five minutes. Don't need to ask her every quarter of an hour."

"Beer is so smart that if you drink enough, right around your midsection, it builds a shelf for you to rest bottles on."

"Donald Trump's doctor has recently prescribed him Prozac. He told him it would help him control hispanics."

"What do you call 100 cows masterbating ? Beef Strokenoff"

"What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One will see you later; the other one will see you in a while."

"If you're upset with someone, write down your feelings in a message. Put the message in a bottle. Hit them over the head with the bottle."