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Joke of the Day

"Want to hear something really fun about science? You would. Nerd."

"when is it OK to spit a mexican woman in the face? when her stache is on fire!"

"[couples therapy] Mrs: he's too handsy, always touching me all over... Mr: [who is an octopus] I CANT HELP IT LINDA IM LIKE 90% HANDS..."

"Teacher: When you yawn your supposed to put your hand to your mouth! Pupil: What? and get bitten!"

"How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized."

"Guy calls his boss and says ""I can't come in, I'm sick"". Boss says, ""you don't sound sick to me"". Guy says, ""I just got done fucking my dog how much sicker could I be?"""

"What's green and eats nuts? Syphillis"

"Why did the Australian pirate refuse lunch? Because he had Somalia."

"update: the light went out in my fridge so i had to eat everything so it wouldn't get scared"

"How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? One..... Or two..."