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Joke of the Day

"Perfect Date: 1) Get kids out of the house 2) Light some candles 3) Burn the house down 4) Collect the insurance 5) Take her somewhere nice"

"What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two and now it's too offensive to talk about."

"Every earthquake is a reminder that you drunk-ate the good granola bars out of the earthquake kit eight years ago and never restocked them."

"Girl, are you wearing a diaper? Cause I wanna fuck the shit out of you."

"Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only."

"My satellite navigation told me to turn around. Now I can't see where I'm driving."

"Where do one-legged people eat? Ihop"

"How does Boomhower describe the Genitals of the Lieutenant from the Reno Police Department? Dang ol' Dangle dangle."

"Give me a break, ouija board. I don't need to know who was killed in this house. Just tell me how the murderer got away with it."

"Sorry Satan, but I'm selling my soul to Buddah. You gotta be fucking stupid to pass up on a tasty offer like ""free Chinese food for life."""