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Joke of the Day

"Donald Sterling saying racism is not a problem is like mosquitoes saying malaria is not a problem."

"What kind of money do monsters use? Weirdo (weird dough)."

"My shiny watch has had a peaceful life... ...it's always had the time to reflect upon itself."

"How do you reward a chicken journalist? With a poulette surprise!"

"What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? Convincing their family to consent to it!"

"Me: I have to lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise everyday. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet, eat healthy and hit the gym. Me: Is that cake?"

"*gets called abnormal* *checks for normal abs*"

"Remember to make short sighted assumptions and rash decisions with almost no information today."

"Husband said, ""If you were really THAT funny you wouldn't have to always say COME ON, THAT WAS FUNNY."" So now I have a tombstone to select"

"Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth then it becomes a soap opera"