180205

Joke of the Day

"I haven't figured out the punchline for my joke about premature ejaculation But I'm sure it will come soon"

"President Lincoln ""I'm going to miss you, President Lincoln,"" said John Wilkes Booth. Booth lied. He didn't."

"September just ended... Someone should wake up Green Day."

"America is still a British colony In England we speak English In France we speak French In Germany we speak German In China we speak Chinese In America we speak English *drops mic and leaves*"

"When I hear ""Tropical Depression"" I think of Toucan Sam sitting in a rain-forest crying. :("

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate it's tits a lot."

"Who is currently leading in the Pirate Party Polls? Noone. Pirates don't have poles, they have masts."

"What's another word for cinnamon? Synonym."

"My doctor told me if I was 5"" taller I'd be at the ideal weight, so I'm going to try and give that a shot."

"After years of intense research, I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is actually the cremated remains of all my other socks."