180096

Joke of the Day

"So I was at LEGOLAND the other day, and this couple were making out in line....... it was so gross, I told them ""Hey guys, build a room"""

"I wonder Is Gordon Lightfoot heavy handed?"

"For Valentine's Day, I bought a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates... ...and passed out alone on the couch, same as every night."

"Do you think Lincoln was good at pleasuring the ladies? If he was, did they call him the pounding father?"

"They tell you to wear layers on a day like this, but I always end up uncomfortably warm in this suit of lasagna."

"I was in the attic the other day... ...and I found a Christmas present that I meant to give to my daughter a year ago. It's a shame I forgot about it, she always wanted a puppy."

"That's so nice of Activia to offer a money back guarantee. Am I supposed to send them pictures of myself not shitting?"

"What do pedophile sex-tourists and napalm have in common? They can both strip a Vietnamese orphan in under a minute."

"You think it's difficult to plug one nostril and blow out the other? It's snot rocket science."

"My new truck is older than my girlfriend... Its ok though a 12 year old truck still has a lot if life left."